Some days I have to parent myself by giving myself perspective. Stepping back and talking to myself the way I would if I were helping someone else.
If you’ve been around for any amount of time, you already know I never dreamt of being a mother. It's not a secret that parenthood was my ex's dream. The irony is not lost on me there. 🤦♀️
If you’re new here, this might surprise you, considering how much I post about motherhood now.
Something you may not know is that I also didn’t want to homeschool.
If you've been here at least 5 years, you watched that journey unfold, from 3 schools (and so many camps) to homeschool life.
My daughter has needs that weren’t being met in a school setting. Nobody seemed to be able to "handle her".
The reality was that the world is not set up for her and it was taking a huge toll on both of us. I couldn't do it anymore and when I saw that this could be a better way I took the leap.
Do I sometimes still wish it had worked out differently and we fit the mold? Absolutely.
Do I wish it was all easier? Yes I do.
So what does this have to do with YOU?
*Storytime & Lesson incoming* 😅👇
My friend Creslyn asked a question in our group this week: “What’s your why for homeschooling?”
As she was sharing these beautiful reasons I was like .... Ehhhhh 😬
My answer was different so I didn't share it. My why is simply: I have to. Which didn't feel very positive.
It also didn't seem to align considering how positively I do speak about our experiences here 🤔
That got me thinking for a couple days. What was the disconnect?
How can I so loudly tout all the benefits of homeschooling, but yet when I'm asked my why I have nothing positive to say?
Then I got it: I think sometimes we confuse our MOTIVATION with the BENEFITS.
The WHY with the RESULTS. They are so close to being the same thing. The difference is subtle though, stay with me 👇👇👇
The motivation for something might initially sound like "to lose weight" or "to get out of debt" or "to travel" or "to have more time together " but if you look at it those are actually results.
Those are the things you GET.
But what's the actual REASON?
Sometimes you get really great stuff, wonderful results, but your motivation is negative.
I mean I lost 110 pounds because an ex couldn't get past my weight gain and left for a "skinny girl" 👀
So what's the problem with that?
I only focus on that negative why, I can miss the really incredible benefits. I can miss really experiencing the good and being present for what's going on.
It is easy for me to lament the life I wish I had if I am not careful. I can get frustrated that I feel alone in parenting.
I can get resentful that my time goes to homeschooling instead of my career.
I can get sad about the sacrifices that motherhood has required from me.
If I spend my time in those spaces it's the same as focusing on that ex and his 21-year-old girlfriend. Yeah it may make me hit the gym a little harder but it's not good for me 😅
It is much better to stop and acknowledge all of the good 🙌
Destiny is having an incredible life because of our homeschooling Journey. Much like there were many benefits to me losing that hundred pounds 😉
She never has to wake up too early. 💕
We can go over a subject as many times as she needs. 💕
I can make learning fun in ways that stick for life. 💕
She can work ahead at her pace and not be bored 💕
We can learn in real-world settings.💕
I get to invest in the right friendships for her.💕
I can keep her safe in a world where many schools are not.💕
I get to choose the best instructors for her passions. 💕
We can stop and manage emotions or regulate our nervous systems when we need to.💕
She can eat and go to the bathroom whenever she needs to 💕
She studies whatever she's interested in 💕
...and yes, all of those benefits are hers, but I have to remind myself I get things too.
I get to know my daughter in ways I never would have if she were gone 8 hours a day. ✨
I get to see the lightbulb moments, the breakthroughs, the silly tangents that turn into real lessons. ✨
I get hugs in the middle of the day, talks over lunch, and daytime adventures. ✨
I get a front-row seat to her becoming who she’s meant to be.✨
I’ve also learned that I am so capable and intelligent. I really can figure out anything. ✨
It has helped me rest more and appreciate what's important. ✨
It's shown me that I can hold space for her and for myself. ✨
I've learned that being off plan isn't the end of the world and my ability to be flexible and pivot has increased exponentially. ✨
I am more curious and I am also learning new things all the time. ✨
I do believe it heals a part the child in me that nobody took care of. The “problem” in class and the one dying for approval ✨
It's my journey too. Even if I want to push back sometimes.
If I spent too much time focusing on the life I don’t get to live, it would ruin the life I DO get. It would tarnish everything amazing we actually have 💯
That’s the bigger lesson 👇
Every one of us has areas of life that don’t look like what we wanted.
Divorce, health struggles, financial stress, careers that shifted, responsibilities we never signed up for.
It’s easy to mourn the life we thought we’d be living, and it's okay to get a little pissed off once in awhile or cry about it if you need to. It's valid.
If we stay there though, we run the risk of missing the gifts in the life we are living.
So, as my friend Tyler would say: I don't HAVE to, I GET to 🫶
Turns out the life you didn’t WANT might be holding the gifts you NEED 💕
